IN MEMORANDUM


“Life, it seems, will fade away Drifting further every day Getting lost within myself Nothing matters, no one else” mental-surgery-to-overcome-emotional-pain-and-sadness-dr-diva-verdun-11 Who know why people lose their way. Why some demons are so much stronger in some than others. Why darkness takes the light out of the eyes of those who have lost the will to fight. To see what was once so beautiful wither away and die. It takes a bit of your life as well. 26 years ago today I was in a chapel in Las Vegas getting married to Lauri Jean Martin. I could have never guest that I would be attending her funeral just three short years later. Most of us have been in difficult relationships. We may have gone into them with all the right intentions, just with wrong expectations. Sometimes the timing is off, or we have grown lonely and become disillusioned by charm and good looks. Some implode within their boundaries or they simply fizzles out and fade away. Others explode in a fiery rage and burn it all to the ground, destroying everything within its path. Those involved are lucky if they make it out with all the flesh still attached to their bones. Sadness-wallpapers-8 When a relationship ends, it’s never easy. Even ones that end without drama still hold some amount of animosity or sadness. The end is never easy to relive in your thoughts. Some people become haunted by those thoughts forever. Always wondering what if they tried a little harder or gave a little more. But it’s the beginnings that we relish and remember. It’s that freshness and excitement and the wonder of life anew. It’s the Big Bangs in tiny moments. Time I find has a way of making things up to those who try. To those who rise up every day and continue on through the day. It corrects a wrong or finds what was once misplaced. I went on to remarry of course. At this point in time I will be married for 18 years, raising 4 children with a career and a house and a dog. So I believe things end to make way for what was meant to be all along. But it doesn’t mean that every year on this day, I can’t take a moment to reflect back on such a different world I once lived in.2013_12_99 I can take a moment to drift back to that very windy day on that Las Vegas strip. Standing on the front steps of a the Little White Chapel. Dressed in leather, holding the hand of a woman dressed in a very short white leather dress. And as the dust and tumbleweeds blew around the street behind us, the doors opened and we walked down the aisle. The music of Metallica’s “Fade to Black” started playing over the crackling house speakers. We said our vows in front of a small crowd of strangers along with her sister and my brother. And at the end when the minister asked us if there was anything we wanted to say as husband and wife, she turned around, held her arms in the air, made duel devil horns with her fingers and shouted… “FUCKING METALLICA!” metallica One of my favorite memories, in a life long past, 26 years ago today. “Emptiness is filling me To the point of agony Growing darkness taking dawn I was me, but now he’s gone” sunrise__sunset_hold_your_sadness_like_a_puppet_by_isispina-d547ekm Rest my friend. I’ll always remember the beginning.image (2)

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About paulsdahlman

Born in Southern California, raised on the road and now growing roots in New England. I am on the journey of my lifetime. May the footprints I leave behind form the words to my story.
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