A blunt look and sexuality

I never speak about subjects concerning sex. I tend to shy away from such topics. But lately I have been pondering physical relations of the human body and felt the need to let those thoughts spill over onto the virtual page. I wont be promoting this blog, I’ll just kind of let it kind of lie there and if it’s found, it’s found.

View of feet of couple having sex in bed-776483

I will try not to be to explicit, but when talking about sex, it’s not that easy.

For most of my existence my life has revolved around three things. Walking a path I have never walked before, looking for better ways to get high, and chasing women. As I got older the roads became more steep, the highs changed from drugs to experiences and the women definitely improved. Making love with a younger woman might be exciting and fun, but sex with an older woman can be a life changing event. There is something about the maturity of the body that just feels so comfortable and warm. The movements and the focus on detail can be a very beautiful thing.


I have been with what I would call my share of women. I am not a greedy man. I’m not looking for more than that. One thing I have become well aware of is that the chase is much better than the catch 98% of the time. The excitement of the courtship, the romance and the wooing. The poems written on napkins, the roses left on a windshields, the late night diners and early matinees. The day trips and weekend getaways. The charms and the spells. The first kiss to the last caress.


But once the sex happens most of the allurement fades. By the third or fourth time the spells wears off and the charms are gone and you find yourself at a crossroads. Build a relationship or move on. You look deep inside, sometimes you don’t have to look very far at all you just know. If love never comes into play you move on to the next game. Not that I ever looked at sex as a game. Okay maybe once or twice. When I was a teenage I believed in love and soul mates and the right one and all that crap. But as I got into my 20’s I realized that people in general were all the same. It is our state of mind that makes us different. And if you could manipulate ones mind then the body would quickly follow. So began my decade of decadence. If a woman didn’t have sex with me the first night I never bothered trying again. Sometimes I never tried again even if they did. Yes I was a typical 20 something douche bag.

I remember walking into a club one night on the Sunset strip and looking for the best looking girl in the place. I figured even if I struck out than at the very least the rest of the girls would see me talking to her and that would be a check in my favor. I walked right up to this blonde who was out on the dance floor and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and get high. (In the 80’s this was always a best ice breaker). Two minutes later we were having sex in my car in the parking lot. Afterwards she told me that she had better get back in because her boyfriend would be wondering where she was. No name, no introduction, just sex. Of course that same night I would also meet a girl whom I would leave with. Back then I would say or do anything to get a girl to pin her legs up behind my head. This worked great for the average every day hit and run, but not so good if you felt yourself wanting more. I left with this woman who in the morning I was still very much into. The problem was that I pretended to be someone else in order to get back to her place. I had to walk away from one of the special ones because I knew she would not like the man she really came home with and even if she did she would more than likely not forgive me for lying to her.


It was around that time that I started changing how I viewed sex. I didn’t want the next special thing to slip through my fingers. So I started letting a little more of the real me show through. It took awhile to believe enough in myself to let that happen. It’s a hard thing letting your guard down and being vulnerable. It opens the door to a whole lot of hurt and a lot less women. But the hurt is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s like a good work out. You rip and tear before you grow and get stronger.

So. The sex part. I have found that most women over 35 are really insecure about their bodies. They shy away from intimacy and become inhibited. This gets worse as they get into their 40’s. Women in their 50’s tend to be less inhibited because I think they are at a point in life where they are gonna just go for it and not waste another minute. Women in their 20’s drop their clothes like they are slipping out of a coat. The funny thing is that a woman is sexy at any age. It’s their frame of mind that prohibits them. Men tend to not have such inhibitions.


Women get insecure about their bodies as they get older. They get nervous when they are getting ready to go out on a date, not knowing what to wear or how to dress. What they don’t realize is that a little cleavage goes a long way. It turns men into puddles of goo. It’s the most powerful thing a woman possesses. It’s an invisible leash that can lead a man around like a puppy dog. If I possessed such power over women I would flaunt it like pigeon in heat.

I have also found that most women are really bad at oral sex. I mean the sentiment is always appreciated. But the enjoyment lacks greatly. I am sure it’s the same for women when men go for the “grand gesture”. I think most people think it’s just part of sex and they take a second or two to comply with the rules and then they’re done. Which is okay I suppose if your making the rounds to all ports of interest. I think it can only be learned and taught if it is the only thing committed to. I think couples need to designate certain nights to just that. Nothing else. Make it known going in that there will be no intercourse, at all, even afterwards. Hands are 70% of the act and moans are 25%, the rest is the thought and image of whats taking place. Remember that and you’ll be fine.


I have a friend who has been married 25 years. Since he got married he has put on 75 pounds. He told me the other day that he thinks that his wife doesn’t love him anymore because she won’t go down on him. She use to all the time when they were younger but she just wont even try now days. I told him it’s not because she doesn’t love him anymore, it’s because he weighs 250 now. If he loved her he wouldn’t ask her or expect her to do that. And if it was such a big deal to him than take the damn dog for a walk once in awhile instead of just opening the door and letting the thing run outside. He said, “but if she really loved me she wouldn’t mind”, and all I could think was that he wanted her to do something gross just to prove her love to him. People can be very stupid and insensitive.


Now for the subject of condoms. They suck. Whoever invented them should be shot. There has got to be a better way to have safe sex. I think a condom that goes around the whole thing, cock and balls would be better. They would break less and cause less discomfort. I have never found a condom that is comfortable. Which leads to more unsafe sexual encounters. You have a condom and you decide to have sex. Ten minutes in it, it has cut off your circulation, you have lost your erection and you take it off just to breathe and say screw it, I am going back in without it. If you didn’t have a condom to begin with than more than likely the girl or you would decide not to even start. Condoms hurt. They are always too small. I have no idea how they measure the things but I am assuming they are all made in Japan.


Porn, lets talk about this for a second. I don’t really get it. Now I enjoy seeing naked women as much as the next straight guy. But I don’t want to see any dudes. Not even a part of a dude. I am not into bad boob jobs either. If I can see scars or cuts it’s pretty much of a detraction. I am not into seeing women hurt, abused, choked, peed on or put on leashes. I do not want to see any naked men…I know I said that already but I am just repeating myself. Even girl on girl gets tiring after awhile. Most of the time you can tell it’s just a mechanical process that lacks excitement. They really are not into it and are really just doing it so they can buy another dance with Mr. Brownstone before they have to get up and do it all over again. It must be the dead behind their eyes that turns me off. So I suppose if I really thought about it I would have to say my favorite kind of porn if simply a woman alone. I mean it has everything I enjoy about sex, minus me of course. A naked woman, enjoying herself. Now toys or dildos, not eggs or vibrators. Just her. That would be okay. I guess that way I wouldn’t feel stupid or ashamed because you know, she’s doing it too.


I find that breast size does not matter. Small ones are more sensitive which are great but large ones are stimulating, both are equally as fun. Women I find do take more stake in the size of things. I find that kissing is important for both sexes. I think most people agree on that. I think a lot of touching is important, and talking about the parts your touching. People like to know you’re enjoying the body they have been taking care of their entire lives. And it’s important to take care of your body if you want an active and pleasurable sex life. You don’t have to fit into anyone one person’s ideal mold. You live in your body so you do what’s good for you. For whatever your shape there is there is someone out there who will love it. Just don’t be with someone who doesn’t. And if you don’t love it than no one will. Exercise builds stamina, we know that. Diet also come into play. For both men and women. Your diet has a direct impact on all bodily fluids. From saliva to seaman and all parts vaginal. Keep that in mind. You want to taste like a peach not beer that hasn’t quite fermented yet. I know I have went to go down on girls and got as far as the belly button and just came right back up. Just as I am sure some girls have opted to spit instead of swallow.


I think women have better sex when they don’t know you very well. They are not looking for romance or anything long-term. They are not even thinking about seeing you again. They are free to be themselves and just let go. They are not out to impress you or lure you in. They are just there to get theirs. Men I think can go either way. Some men just want to notch their belts and move on, others want to be remembered. Me, I just want to have fun and be in the moment. I want something we will both remember.

Roll playing is nice too. Not necessarily the preacher and the school girl thing, but maybe the girl with the broken down car on the highway and the man stopping to help her thing. Wigs are great, changing things up with new clothes and different make up, maybe different names. It can be very cool.


Personal grooming is an important thing, on both sides of the spectrum. Bald is not always beautiful, but trim and neat is always a nice thing. Good under garments are important. You want to prolong the act as long as possible and sexy underwear always deserves a pause. All parts should be paid attention to. Toes, knees, thighs. Hips, back, neck. Which brings me to the backside. I think as men get older they are more intrigued by the ass. Most likely because it’s uncharted territory. I was never interested in it as a young man. But as I matured I started looking at it differently. I’m not really talking about sex from that possession. But there is something about it that has made it more attractive. And that’s all I will say about.

My favorite parts, you know, purely personal, are toes and the area just behind the ear. Oh and the arch in the middle part of the lower back. Something about that is just hypnotic when touched. Of course there are the obvious parts, the very tip of the nipple and the under part of the clitoris. It crazy how you can lose yourself in the discovery and exploration.

As you get older different thing can serve as an aphrodisiac. You want a woman who is soft-spoken in the home and in public but who is loud and opinionated in the bedroom or out at the bar. There is a time to be a neutering and a time to be untamed. Insecurity is attractive when you’re a teenager. It means an open door for boy to walk right in. But when you get older it becomes a red flag to not go any further. If your older than 35 and you’re not secure in who you are than it usually means there is a whole bunch of other issues that are just not worth getting involved in for even for the most beautiful of women.


Now a days I have hung up my rodeo hat and tossed away the spurs. Married and raising a family has taken priority over pretty much everything else. But it has opened up a whole new level of enlightenment. I have a lot of married friends, some single ones and those who are never single but never really in relationships. I know married men and women that are still in love after many years but the sex has diminished. I think when you meet someone and fall in love, you fall in love with their mind but their body as well. People tend to think that if you love someone you love all of them. That just seems narrow-minded to me. A woman meets a man who has a full head of hair, who is muscular and tone. He is charming and funny. But the kids come and the mortgage and the never-ending bills. The stress of being responsible for his children and his wife can take a toll on a man. He loses his hair, his humor flattens. he gains a lot of weight. His sex drive drops with every pound he gains. He might make more money and he is a good father and a devoted husband. But when he walks through the door at the end of the day it’s just not enough to make her clothes hit the floor like they are made of led and make her legs shoot up in the air in a perfect V? She may go through the motions because it’s what married couples do. But he is not the man she found so hot 20 some odd years ago. It takes everything else to make the sex worth giving. Equality in the household. Tending to each others needs. Connecting on intellectual levels. Common interests. Humor. Marriage is complicated. Just because in most marriages the sex goes away with the physical attraction. It doesn’t mean that the admiration or compatibility does.


I think once the kids are grown and out of the house the couple can get back to each other and do more active things that don’t consist of chasing kids, going to school meeting, school dances, girl scouts, boy scouts, football, soccer, field trips. washing clothes, changing beds, buying clothes and doing homework. Yelling, screaming, breaking up fights. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, Halloween costumes. Dentist appointments, sleep overs, rated G movies and beads stuck in the nose. Once all that is all gone, then the sex will come back. I mean what else is there gonna be to do right?

About paulsdahlman

Born in Southern California, raised on the road and now growing roots in New England. I am on the journey of my lifetime. May the footprints I leave behind form the words to my story.
This entry was posted in Enlightenment, Life experience, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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