We feel the need to address the recent attacks at the Lone Star College campus in Texas. The alleged “cutter” is believed to be an upstanding member of society who sadly became possessed by unknown forces once he stole the Box cutter from his mother’s chest of drawers. 14 people were taken to the hospital.
In addition to this tragic event there have been over thirteen thousand box cutter assaults in 2012 alone. And how could we forget that box cutters brought down three airplanes and the world trade center killing thousands. It may not be constitutional, but we need to think about the victims and their families above any out dated piece of paper written by a bunch of old white guys.
With this in mind and in the wake of such a tragedy, we, as in us, not you. Have decided to put into place a set of box cutter control laws for the safety of all Americans.
So the new laws and bans are as follows:
1. No cutting anything besides boxes.
2. No using a serrated blade in any cutter.
3. No borrowing anyone else’s cutter.
4. No more than one box of replacement blades can be purchased at a time.
5. Blades can not be double-sided.
This however is a good example of what we will allow you to carry.