A Message In A Bottle – For Kyle Scott Smith


message-in-a-bottleThese words, they may fall upon the desolate sands of empty shores. Ripped away by the ever moving tide, forever lost at sea. Yet still I write them in a ray of hope, that the bottle that carries them may one day, finds itself within your hands.

I know you feel I left you, all alone to face this world. But realities are separated when truth and lies emerge.
A hand that grips a blade, a knife without a handle, has no other choice but yet to bleed. Like trying to grasp a flame, the flesh will always burn. You were better off in my absence then you ever would have been in my presence. I know it’s hard to comprehend, but everything I did, I did for you. Distance set between us, was the only way for growth to accrue and for the wounds to heal.

I am not asking for forgiveness, That is something between God and me. I am not looking for redemption, I have made my peace within this world. I am not seeking validation. The path your walking on is set in stone. All the paths I have traveled down have been only made of dirt. That’s a pretty concrete validation.

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I do not wish to tell my side of a never-ending story. We all see things differently, visions are greatly varied. We see only what our perception allows us to see.

I am not full of regret, for I can not change the past. If I chose I different direction, you would not be on the road your on today. You would have ended up like me, disconnected and afraid.

I am not looking to ease the pain, the pain is a reminder that it was real. It’s the scars around my heart that bleed and never fade. I am not sorry for seeking out the many, for it was the only way to find the one. I toss this bottle in the ocean in the hopes it finds the pond.

You entered this world, a sacrifice of the times. But found your salvation in the grace of a better way. And for that grace I will forever be in debt. Knowing of that salvation is the root of my own redemption.

I have never been a man who was any good at speaking from emotion. The written words may flow through my fingers but the mouth always fails my intention. So I hope that this message, within this metaphorical glass container, can somehow be a window into the insight of the heart.

Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, even through the darkness, and into the presence of the light. A creation of love in the center of a storm. A moment of calm within the eye before the walls came crashing down.

Hate me if it shelters you from who you ever were. Erase me from your memory if it numbs you from the pain. But just realize that the reflection you see within the mirror, has shades of me within, and is nothing short of a miracle. hard_packed_foot_worn_dirt_path_through_colourful_grass-950x633

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About paulsdahlman

Born in Southern California, raised on the road and now growing roots in New England. I am on the journey of my lifetime. May the footprints I leave behind form the words to my story.
This entry was posted in Enlightenment, Life experience, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A Message In A Bottle – For Kyle Scott Smith

  1. Java Girl says:

    Beautifully written and yet so sad… What inspired this?

    Like

    • paulsdahlman says:

      Thank you very much. It was inspired by a recent conversation I had with my son who was adopted when he was around two. I finally found him after 20 years and he was very bitter and resentful. Even though his life turned out so well (Loving parents, going to Med-school and engaged). At the time he was adopted by his Aunt and Uncle his mother (my wife at the time) had died and I was entangled in some pretty heavy legal issues.

      Like

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